-Nathanial Hawthorne

Over the recent weeks of isolation, I have found myself resisting temptation to settle in to Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime, or an endless stream of YouTube wood working videos. Instead, I have attempted to maintain a fairly regular routine. My wife leaves for work around 4:45 or 5:00 in the morning (The dog and I sleep until around 7:45!). Once Ford (the dog) and I get up I make a cup of coffee and two eggs, over medium. He gets dog food. After breakfast we go for a walk around the neighborhood, and then I spend a couple of hours working. A regular morning routine is one of the best things that I can do if I want to avoid finding myself at one o’clock in the afternoon, having nothing accomplished. Taking charge of my morning leads to time spent more productively. This led me to wonder: can I take charge of my happiness too?

What would taking charge of my happiness even look like? People who chase after things they think will bring them joy usually search their whole lives. So, how can I flip the switch on happiness? I am sorry to report that I did not find a silver bullet to the problem. Establishing a routine was a significant component to feeling content given recent events, but it was not the total solution. I had to decide to prioritize things according to what I felt would bring me joy over the long(er) term. This looked like scheduling time to read some of the books I have had on my list for a while, connecting to friends and family, and reducing the amount of time I spend looking at my phone!

Happiness in changing the media I consume

The Brothers Karamazov, by Fyodor Dostoyevsky, was the brilliant novel that I just finished the other day! Finishing a book brings me far more joy and mindful reflection than finishing a series on Netflix or Disney+. I know, from experience, that finishing a television series in two days leaves me feeling anxious and wanting to consume more. Contrasted to finishing Dostoyevsky. Where I wake up the following morning with the characters, the places, the circumstances, and the philosophy marinating in my mind. New ideas cropping up from moment to moment. Compelling me to flip back through the books pages and re-read certain passages that have now taken on new meaning given the climax of the story.

Happiness in remain connected to loved ones

I have noticed that I am compelled to call and check in with family and friends more often. Talking to loved ones has helped me to feel grounded and encouraged me to stay in the moment. Not to mention that with social distancing, it is the only option I have to talk to anyone but my dog! In all seriousness, spending time in isolation facilitates the realization that the relationships that I have are deeply meaningful to me. They add to my sense of identity, and contribute to my well-being. Friends and family have helped to push me to expect the most from myself. And helped guide me along the path to righteous living. Each person in my life brings with them special and unique characteristics. Characteristics that fill my spirit with happiness. Remaining connected to them has been helped me remain grounded in the present moment.

Stepping back from media use

Reducing the amount of time I spend engaged with social media, and other media in general, has been critical to finding happiness in the present moment. Now, I just mentioned staying in touch with friends and family, for which social media is a wonderful tool; however, it is all too easy to use social media in unproductive ways. Refraining from media use has allowed my mind to slow. Allowed for my thoughts to compose and structure themselves. And allowed for me to focus on reading and writing more. Lowering my media intake has reduced my anxiety about the coronavirus, and checking in with my family more has helped me to rest assured that everyone is doing what they can to remain safe and healthy, which is all anyone can do.

All of these little habits have helped me to “sit down quietly” and give myself the opportunity to find happiness in the present moment. The best way to ensure that happiness is not “just beyond your grasp” may be to find yourself in the present moment.  Let it come to you.

Check out some other posts from Stand4Kind:

Understanding the bystander effect

Cabin fever? Try going for a walk!

Identity: What is it? How do I find mine?

The post What is happiness? appeared first on Stand 4 Kind.

My wife and I moved to Alabama one year ago. Moving from Utah was a big change. All of our friends and family still reside in Utah, and at the time we moved we did not know anyone in Alabama. Not. One. Single. Person. If we were going to be successful after we moved, we would need to build a social network. So, we made friends with her colleagues at work, and worked hard to connect with people who are supportive and invested in our wellness. Looking back, there are a few tips that stand out from building a new group of friends:

1. Connecting with people is about seeing value in the unique parts of each person.

   1. Sometimes we are surrounded by people who feel really different from us; people from different backgrounds, religions, states and countries. Searching out those unique parts of each person we come into contact with while we are building a community helps to look beyond the immediate differences to discover all of the things that we have in common with another person. An article in Psychology Today really highlighted some great ways to connect with other individuals, including “trading self-consciousness for interest in another person!”

2. Make time for people.

   1. If you want to build a strong community, it takes time and effort. This might not come as a surprise, but making time for people is actually very difficult in our busy lives. Maybe it is baking small loaves of bread to introduce yourself to the neighbors or asking a friend to dinner so that you can get to know them better, there are lots of ways that we can make time for people to let them know that they are important to us. “Making a plan” to participate in the world was another tip highlighted in the Psychology Today article.

3. Explore new hobbies with other people.

   1. A great way to meet other people and build relationships is to find out what they enjoy doing, and explore those activities with them. Maybe your new friends like to hike, or cook, or read, or run, whatever it is they enjoy doing learning a new hobby can be a great way to grow and a great way to build community. When you show interest in others, it generally is the case that the interest is reciprocated.

4. Keep showing up.

   1. It can be really tiring to engage with your community when you might really just want to relax at home and read a book, or watch a movie. But, if you keep showing up consistently for your blossoming community, it will grow in ways that you might be surprised by. Go to the school dance. Cheer on the basketball team. Volunteer to help the drama club with their fall production. When you put yourself out there, and keep showing up, your community will grow.

5. Share your gifts with others.

   1. You are a delightful and interesting person! One who others want to be around. And you have special interests and characteristics that other people are interested in learning about. Building community is partly about you being interested in others, but it is also about giving other people the opportunity to show interest in you. If you love to cook, invite some friends over and make them dinner. Take your favorite desert to your next youth group meeting. Show your new friend out on your favorite hike. Tell people all about those things that you care about and your community will solidify around you.

We all need social support and friendship in our lives. When we are surrounded by meaningful relationships, we can weather tougher circumstances, experience more joy, and live more fully. And although building relationships with others takes time and effort, it is well worth it!

The post The importance of community appeared first on Stand 4 Kind.

What determines happiness?

We know that happiness is a tough concept to get our hands on. Nathanial Hawthorne said that “happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp,” which seems to be an accurate summary. A whole bunch of different things can contribute to how happy we feel at any one time. Things like our health, grades, income, politics, and the news can all affect our happiness. But, the authors of the study suggest that the happiness of others may be a key determinant of our happiness. Said another way: people who surround themselves with happy people, are happy.

There is a relationship between us and others when it comes to happiness

The results from the study of our social networks suggest that happy people tend to be connected to each other. In fact, a person is 15.3% more likely to be happy if directly connected to someone who is happy! That is pretty amazing. The way we feel about ourselves actually impacts how those who are close to us feel. Similarly, the way the people close to us feel about themselves will affect how we feel about ourselves. The happiness effect does not stop at direct connections, however. A person who is connected to a person who is connected to a happy person is almost 10% more likely to be happy. And a person who is three degrees removed from a happy person, the effect is 5.6%. That means just knowing a happy person increases the likelihood that you will be happy.

Get connected and get happy

Furthermore, the article reports that the better connected one’s friends and family, the more likely one will attain happiness in the future. Suggesting that the people who surround themselves with others are likely to be happy, and that is likely to spread. In more good news, the article suggests that happy friends make us happier. But, unhappy friends do not make us equally as unhappy. In other words, adding happy friends to your network is likely to boost the overall happiness of the network. But don’t forget about the unhappy folks too. The happy group is more likely to lift them up, rather than be “brought down.”

What about happy neighbors??

The news gets better! If your happy friends live within a mile of you, the probability that you increase your happiness goes up by 25%. There is good news for adults as well: married couples who become happy increase the happiness of their spouse by 8%. And siblings who live near each other increase happiness by 14%. Happy neighbors? They increase your happiness by 34%! Sadly, there was not any affect from happy coworkers…

In summary

Changes in happiness can ripple through social groups. The happiness of an individual is associated with the happiness of people up to three degrees removed from them. Happiness is not simply a function of individual experience/choice, it may be a property of groups of people. What is tough about our current socially-isolated state is that happiness requires close physical proximity to spread. The health and well-being of others really does affect us, personally. Which is likely why the times we are living through are so uniquely challenging. But, if we can stay connected to each other, and support one-another with care and kindness we will make it. Happiness is not merely the province of isolated individuals. We are wrapped up in the health and well-being of others. And that is a thought that brings me hope.

Check out the article from BJM: Dynamic spread of happiness in a large social network: longitudinal analysis over 20 years in the Framingham Heart Study

Check out a few other articles from Stand4Kind:

COVID-19 closed schools? Student tips for time at home

Understanding the bystander effect

Teachers: Create bully-free classrooms

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