“We have to walk in a way that we only print peace and serenity on the Earth. Walk as if you are kissing the Earth with your feet.”

-Thich Nhat Hanh

In his book, The Miracle of Mindfulness, Thich Nhat Hanh gives us an exercise to explore practicing mindfulness in our everyday lives. Read the following two sections, and practice mindfulness today.

Washing the dishes to wash the dishes

Thirty years ago, when I was still a novice at Tu Hieu Pagoda, washing the dishes was hardly a pleasant task. During the Season of Retreat when all the monks returned to the monastery, two novices had to do all the cooking and wash the dishes for sometimes well over one hundred monks. There was no soap. We had only ashes, rice husks, and coconut husks, and that was all. Cleaning such a high stack of bowls was a chore, especially during the winter when the water was freezing cold. Then you had to heat up a big pot of water before you could do any scrubbing. Nowadays one stands in a kitchen equipped with liquid soap, special scrubpads, and even running hot water which makes it all the more agreeable. It is easier to enjoy washing the dishes now. It is easier to enjoy washing dishes now.

While washing the dishes one should only be washing the dishes, which means that while washing the dishes one should be completely aware of the fact that one is washing the dishes. At first glance, that might seem a little silly: why put so much stress on a simple thing? But that’s precisely the point. The fact that I am standing there and washing these bowls is a wondrous reality. I’m being completely myself, following my breath, conscious of my presence, and conscious of my thoughts and actions. There’s no way I can be tossed around mindlessly like a bottle slapped here and there on the waves.

The cup in your hands

In the United States, I have a close friend named Jim Forest. When I first met him eight years ago, he was working with the Catholic Peace Fellowship. Last winter, Jim came to visit. I usually wash the dishes after we’ve finished the evening meal, before sitting down and drinking tea with everyone else. One night, Jim asked if he might do the dishes. I said, ‘Go ahead, but if you wash the dishes you must know the way to wash them.” Jim replied, “Come on, you think I don’t know how to wash the dishes?” I answered, “There are two ways to wash the dishes. The first is to wash the dishes in order to have clean dishes and the second is to wash the dishes in order to wash the dishes.” Jim was delighted and said, “I choose the second way—to wash the dishes to wash the dishes.” From then on, Jim knew how to wash the dishes. I transferred the “responsibility” to him for an entire week.

If while washing the dishes, we think only of the cup of tea that awaits us, thus hurrying to get the dishes out of the way as if they were a nuisance, then we are not “washing the dishes to wash the dishes.” What’s more, we are not alive during the time we are washing the dishes. In fact, we are completely incapable of realizing the miracle of life while standing at the sink. If we can’t wash the dishes, the changes are we won’t be able to drink our tea either. While drinking the cup of tea, we will only be thinking of other things, barely aware of the cup in our hands. Thus, we are sucked away into the future—an incapable of actually living one minute of life.

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            -Nathanial Hawthorne

Over the recent weeks of isolation, I have found myself resisting temptation to settle in to Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime, or an endless stream of YouTube wood working videos. Instead, I have attempted to maintain a fairly regular routine. My wife leaves for work around 4:45 or 5:00 in the morning (The dog and I sleep until around 7:45!). Once Ford (the dog) and I get up I make a cup of coffee and two eggs, over medium. He gets dog food. After breakfast we go for a walk around the neighborhood, and then I spend a couple of hours working. A regular morning routine is one of the best things that I can do if I want to avoid finding myself at one o’clock in the afternoon, having nothing accomplished. Taking charge of my morning leads to time spent more productively. This led me to wonder: can I take charge of my happiness too?

What would taking charge of my happiness even look like? People who chase after things they think will bring them joy usually search their whole lives. So, how can I flip the switch on happiness? I am sorry to report that I did not find a silver bullet to the problem. Establishing a routine was a significant component to feeling content given recent events, but it was not the total solution. I had to decide to prioritize things according to what I felt would bring me joy over the long(er) term. This looked like scheduling time to read some of the books I have had on my list for a while, connecting to friends and family, and reducing the amount of time I spend looking at my phone!

Happiness in changing the media I consume

The Brothers Karamazov, by Fyodor Dostoyevsky, was the brilliant novel that I just finished the other day! Finishing a book brings me far more joy and mindful reflection than finishing a series on Netflix or Disney+. I know, from experience, that finishing a television series in two days leaves me feeling anxious and wanting to consume more. Contrasted to finishing Dostoyevsky. Where I wake up the following morning with the characters, the places, the circumstances, and the philosophy marinating in my mind. New ideas cropping up from moment to moment. Compelling me to flip back through the books pages and re-read certain passages that have now taken on new meaning given the climax of the story.

Happiness in remain connected to loved ones

I have noticed that I am compelled to call and check in with family and friends more often. Talking to loved ones has helped me to feel grounded and encouraged me to stay in the moment. Not to mention that with social distancing, it is the only option I have to talk to anyone but my dog! In all seriousness, spending time in isolation facilitates the realization that the relationships that I have are deeply meaningful to me. They add to my sense of identity, and contribute to my well-being. Friends and family have helped to push me to expect the most from myself. And helped guide me along the path to righteous living. Each person in my life brings with them special and unique characteristics. Characteristics that fill my spirit with happiness. Remaining connected to them has been helped me remain grounded in the present moment.

Stepping back from media use

Reducing the amount of time I spend engaged with social media, and other media in general, has been critical to finding happiness in the present moment. Now, I just mentioned staying in touch with friends and family, for which social media is a wonderful tool; however, it is all too easy to use social media in unproductive ways. Refraining from media use has allowed my mind to slow. Allowed for my thoughts to compose and structure themselves. And allowed for me to focus on reading and writing more. Lowering my media intake has reduced my anxiety about the coronavirus, and checking in with my family more has helped me to rest assured that everyone is doing what they can to remain safe and healthy, which is all anyone can do.

All of these little habits have helped me to “sit down quietly” and give myself the opportunity to find happiness in the present moment. The best way to ensure that happiness is not “just beyond your grasp” may be to find yourself in the present moment.  Let it come to you.

Check out some other posts from Stand4Kind:

Understanding the bystander effect

Cabin fever? Try going for a walk!

Identity: What is it? How do I find mine?

The post What is happiness? appeared first on Stand 4 Kind.

Tomorrow, November 3^rd, we will begin a 4-year journey. Take a moment to consider where you are now. Are you in school? Are you about to begin an adventure of your own? At the end of the next four years, 2024, where do you picture yourself? What kind of person do you see yourself as four years from now? What I love about this exercise is that it forces me to consider the decisions I am making right now. Are those decisions congruent with the person I imagine four years from now.

One of the reasons time starts to move more quickly as we age, is that we live our lives in these huge chunks. We stop living day to day, moment to moment. Instead, four years of college goes by in a blink. The first four years of our employment, and then a promotion for another year. We get married and change jobs, another 5 years go by. All of a sudden 10 years have passed since we graduated from college. Unless we are very deliberate about how we spend our time, days can slip by us. Try to be mindful each day and make sure your values, identity, and your goals are supporting you in getting to the vision you have for yourself in the future.

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The Observing Self v. The Conceptualized Self

People often describe themselves in terms of their self-self-percieved role in the world. For example: “I am a nice guy,” “I am a people person,” “I am a hard worker,” or “I am a parent of two kids.”  We clump these little snippets of ourselves together in order to form a larger narrative about who we are, and our place(s) in the world. “That’s just the way I am,” is an often popular sentiment. And the conclusion to the sentence “I am a person who _____ ,“ is the beginning of a statement capable of generating scores of reasonable and accurate responses.

This kind of thinking is a slippery slope, however, and it is pretty easy to understand why. Over time we generate dozens of these little self-stories that fuse with our identity and form our persona. Defining who we are. And becoming what we say we are is one of our greatest ambitions. We want to be congruent. We—the observing-self—are trying to be who we—the conceptualized-self—say/think we are. And in the event that, for whatever reason, our personal story about ourselves changes we now have to reconcile that change. To our own self, and the world around us.

Problem of being fused to the conceptualized self:

Think about an example of a girl who graduated at the top of her high school class. She dreamt about becoming a lawyer. She talked with her family and friends about her goals. In college she did well in her classes but during her Junior year she decided that law school was just not a good fit. Can you imagine how difficult this conclusion might be for her? Especially if she has been wrestling privately with this decision for weeks, months, or even years. How difficult would it be to see her friends on summer break and explain the reasons law was not longer her passion?

Well, if she is not fused to her conceptualized-self it should not be terribly difficult. After all, people change their minds all the time. However, in building up this conceptualized version of herself attempts to make changes could be met with great resistance. Not only internally, but externally as well. This might lead a person to attempt to maintain congruence between their attachment to their conceptualized self and their observing-self.

The alternative is being filled with guilt about disinterest in law school. Telling your friends that you had a change of heart seems difficult. Taking yourself seriously may seem more difficult. After all, you abandon a long held belief. What’ might you abandon next? Conversations about your future are something you may not fully understand yourself. And we are expected to explain, or defend these decisions to other people? Friends and family simply want what is best for us. We know that. The difficulty is that they adopted our believe that Law school was what’s best for us. Now, they need to have that believe structure modified.

“Fusion with the conceptualized-self can lead to an attempt to maintain consistency by distorting or reinterpreting events if they seem inconsistent with the self-story.”

What about another example?

Imagine that I believe myself to be a kind person. Believing that I am kind, I may have a very difficult time interpreting my own behavior as unkind. In fact, if I am fused to the concept that I am kind person, I may distort or reinterpret events in order to maintain consistency with my self-story. This is a common attribution error made by people who bully others—‘I couldn’t possibly be a bully, I was just joking around.’ Our goal should be one of stepping away from our conceptualized-self so that we can weaken those attachments, and more realistically assess if we are living according to our values. Again, “fusion with the conceptualized-self can lead to an attempt to maintain consistency by distorting or reinterpreting events if they seem inconsistent with the self-story” (Hayes, Strosahl, & Wilson, 2012).

What can we do to integrate ourselves?

So, how do we battle against the tendency to build attachments to the conceptualized versions of ourselves? The first step is to take an open, loving, and accepting perspective of yourself. Being conscious of your own reality can also help you empathize with others. The second benefit to taking an open perspective of yourself could be that you allow yourself to process changes as they happen, in the moment. In the example of the young pre-law student above, if she took and open/accepting perspective, she may have noticed that her values shifting from law, to something else.

Trouble comes when those kinds of things sneak up on us. And out of nowhere, create chaos in a place where we thought was organized and structured. The second way to make congruent the relationship between the observing-self and conceptualized-self is to align your actions with your personal values. In that case, your observing-self can always look at your conceptualized-self and consider whether your actions are moving you closer or further from your valued endpoint.

An activity to conclude:

We could even use this strategy to better understand if we are making the “right” choices. or not. We know what is “right” based on whether our choices produce an outcome that we find acceptable. Lastly, self-as-context is deeply related to mindfulness. And it might be helpful to try an activity to illustrate the point:

if you are concerned that your conceptualized-self is dominating your observing-self, close your eyes and simply notice your thoughts. Notice where they are around/inside/above/below you. Notice if they are pictures, or sounds, or a movie playing along in your mind. Bring your attention to the fact that your thoughts are ‘over there,’ and you are the one who is observing them. Now, bring your attention to how you are sitting. Notice what you can see, smell, taste, and hear. At each of those points, bring your attention to the fact that you are noticing (e.g., notice how you are sitting, and as you do, be aware that you are noticing).

Bringing ourselves into the present moment in a mindful and conscious way will help us to remain oriented to our observing-self. Which will help us remain de-fused from our conceptualized-self. After all, it is ok to remain flexible throughout our lives while we develop our Values, and attempt to live meaningful lives.

The post Who am I? Exploring our Self appeared first on Stand 4 Kind.

What are the things that can get in our way?

How does one manage all of the stress?

Align with our Values?

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            -Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

Introduction

Dr. Viktor E. Frankl, an Austrian psychiatrist and a Holocaust survivor, survived 3 years in Nazi death camps, including Auschwitz and Dachau. After his liberation, and over a 9-day period in 1945, he wrote a book detailing his experiences. In his book, Man’s Search for Meaning, Frankl describes, in vivid detail, the process by which the Nazi’s shipped millions of people to concentration camps, stripped them of their humanity, and worked them to death in the name of racial superiority.

Numerous passages iterated and reiterated the message that “everything not connected with the immediate task of keeping oneself and one’s closest friends alive lost its value. Everything was sacrificed to this end.” And by stripping people of their values, the Nazi’s stripped people of their individuality; creating a void for the value and dignity of the individual human life at the altar of simply seeing the mass of numbers enslaved in the camps—”herded, from place to place, like animals.”

Pursue meaning above all else

Man’s Search for Meaning is meant to be an example to readers that there is meaning to be found in life. At all times. And in the most abhorrent conditions. Fyodor Dostoevsky, the Russian novelist, said that “man is a creature that can get accustomed to anything,” and Frankl writes this into clarity through the glimpse he gives readers into how he, and others, survived unimaginable conditions. Following this experience, Frankl developed a type of therapy called Logotherapy. Logos is a Greek word which denotes ‘meaning,’ or ‘reason.’

It was Frankl’s position, echoing Nietzsche, that ‘he who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how,” and that one must have an aim for their lives in order to strengthen them to bear the terrible how of their existence. Thus, searching out meaning in our lives may be the healthiest thing we can do for ourselves. It may even be the purpose of life itself. What’s more, in the event that we are faced with unchangeable suffering, we have the freedom to choose the stance we take and the perspective we have about that suffering.

Coping with difficulty

Throughout our lives, we are going to be faced with difficulty. It is all but guaranteed. Knowing that we are strong enough to deal with any situation, and that we can deal with the most difficult situations in life by focusing on our ability to pursue meaningful activities, is Frankl’s recommendation. Keeping in mind that “pleasure is, and must remain, a side-effect or by-product, and is destroyed and spoiled to the degree to which it is made a goal in itself” will support each of us in focusing on what is meaningful. Not what we believe is pleasurable.

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            So, if the purpose of values is to moderate our behavior and help us experience a meaningful life then we ultimately need to act on those values in order to create the world that we want to live in. That is the idea of Committed Action, the final step in the ACT model. Steven Hayes suggests that “committed action is a choice to behave in a particular way on purpose…so that individual moments of action have the potential to lead to larger patterns of values-based behavior.” We might think about a marriage as one example. In my marriage, if my wife brings me coffee in the morning and it makes me grateful for the relationship we have together, it is not directly related to the coffee. After all, my co-worker brought me coffee last week, and I am not married to them! So, what is it about my wife bringing me coffee that makes me reflect on how grateful I am for the relationship? My wife bringing me coffee is not viewed as simply a cup of coffee, it is a reflection of our long history together, our families bonded together, the life we have built together, and the future that we hope to reside in. You discover that marriage is not really one giant thing, but a million little decision over a long period of time. Which is what the notion of ‘individual moments of action having the potential to lead to larger patterns of values-based behavior’means to me.

            Although we don’t want get caught living from goal-to-goal, goals are still an important part of life, and should be related to our values. Once we consider our values, we should be developing goals—specific achievements sought after in service to a particular value—that are in line with those values so that we can consider what actions can be taken to move us closer to those goals. Slow and incremental improvement can move us forward momentously over time—and we should start by asking how can we become a slightly better version of ourselves tomorrow? When I think about the smallest areas of my life that I could improve, those tasks start to feel manageable. I should think about each of the areas of my life where I exist (e.g., domains: family, friendships, school, sports teams, community, health, spirituality, etc.) and consider what is my valued direction in this area—what do I want—and what is the smallest step that I could take to move forward? This kind of process is at the heart of behavioral therapies commonly used in mental healthcare because they work so well! When we consider our goals, we should try to break them down into steps that are as small as we can manage, while being slightly difficult and out of our comfort zone. We definitely don’t want to fail outright, because that would be very discouraging, but we want to engage at level that we COULD fail but probably won’t. If I want to exercise it might not be realistic for me to go for a run, but it could be realistic for me to go for a walk! Similarly, there may be times where we don’t even know the scope of the goal we are trying to accomplish. Think about setting a goal of not playing video games, or not spending too much time on social media. An initial goal might be something ambiguous, like “I want to spend less time on social media,” or “I want to spend less time playing games;” however, those are not goal that are easy to monitor. You could start by taking the smallest step possible: Figure out how many hours per week you actually spend playing video games/using social media. That will not require us to do anything but watch the clock. And once we figure out that we spend 4 ½ hours per day playing games/on social media, we can wrap our minds around the hours per week (18), and what that might mean for us to change our behavior.

            So let’s recap: 1) pick a domain in your life; 2) identify the valued direction you would like to move; 3) create a goal—an attainable event related to a particular value; 4) identify the barriers that may exist; and finally, 5) break your goal down into the smallest chunk possible that would still be both challenging AND attainable. Doing these things is going to keep you on the path to committed action, and making those small decision every day that will add up to a lifetime of value and meaning!!

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So, what about the notion that if we have the things we need, we should be happy. A person with food, water, shelter, and love should be happy. This kind of thinking is related to an idea called the assumption of healthy normality, which suggests that human beings are inherently happy, connected with others, and at peace with themselves. This perspective has come from the medical perspective that health is the absence of disease. In other words, without some kind of sickness or injury, the human body is…healthy. It turns out that happiness—a state without anxiety, frustration, sadness—is not the natural state of human emotions. The natural state of human emotions is one that ebbs and flows through a wide range of emotions, all of which are normal and healthy. Feeling happy after a promotion, a good grade on an exam, or an exciting first kiss, are all things that rightly bring happiness; however, we know that the effects of these experiences are quick to ‘wear off,’ as life ebbs us back into the rest of the spectrum of feelings that we all experience. Imagine for a moment if you felt feelings of euphoria ALL OF THE TIME. In mental health, there is a pathology associated with that feeling called mania. People who experience mania often get themselves into bad situations because of uncontrolled feelings of pleasant emotions that surround everything they do, and inform everything they think they should do. Their behavior is very impulsive—after all, if everything you touched turned to gold, you would probably start grabbing away—and they often are overly enthusiastic about every opportunity, which leads to a dramatic crash into life savings being spent and relationships being destroyed. 

If I know that I am not going to experience happiness in a reliable or predictable way, what is it that I should be pursuing? Well, there are two lines of thinking on this. The first is the line of thinking that my parents told me about: Do what makes you happy. This line of thinking is a goals-based interpretation of happiness. The idea that if I line up one goal after another and accomplish them, that I will move myself toward a state of better living, ergo ‘achieving happiness.’ Well, the problem with this is that we know that people do not always get to achieve their goals and even when they do, achieving one’s goals does produce a moment of euphoria, but that moment is short lived. The second line of thinking is living a life that is values-based. In a life that is lived in a way that is based on your values (e.g., integrity, curiosity, humor, relationships, joy) one still has goals but the goals are coordinated with values, not accomplishment. A goal that is values-based (e.g., being a lifelong learner) is fundamentally different from a goal that is accomplishment-based (e.g., graduating from high school). The former is based on Learning as a value that one holds, where the latter is based on achievement of a task.

I encourage you to consider what your values might be, and aligning goals with values, not accomplishment. If we get to achieve some goals along our values-based journey, then great; and if we stumble on some happiness along the way, even better! But we should always be orienting ourselves toward living a life of values-based action, where everything we do is propelling us toward feelings of meaning, and helping prepare us against the inevitable difficulty of life.

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Think about an example of a girl who graduated at the top of her high school class and talked to her friends and family about wanting to become a lawyer. For years she dreamt about practicing law and never hesitated to share her dreams with others, in college she did well in her classes but during her Junior year she arrived at the conclusion that law school was just not a good fit for her. Can you imagine how difficult this conclusion might be for her, especially if she has been wrestling privately with this decision for weeks, months, or even years? How difficult it would be for her to see her friends on summer break and have to explain to them the reasons for her change of career interests. Well, if she is not fused to her conceptualized-self it should not be terribly difficult—after all, people change their minds all the time; however, in building up this conceptualized version of herself, it is possible that attempts to make changes would be met with great resistance. Not only internally, but externally as well. This might lead a person to attempt to maintain congruence between their attachment to their conceptualized self and their observing-self, because the alternative is one where you now have to explain to your parents why you are no longer interested in law school. You have to tell your friends, who may be in the process of applying, that you had a change of heart after years of dreaming. These conversations about your future are something you may or may not fully understand yourself, let alone have a solid enough grasp of to explain or, even more challenging, defend to other people who you know just want the best for you. 

In another example, imagine that I believe that I am a kind person. If I believe that, in my heart, I will have a very difficult time dealing with instances where I behave in an unkind way. And, in fact, if I am fused to the conception that I am kind person, I may distort or reinterpret events in order to maintain consistency with my self-story (this may be a common attribution error that is made by people who bully others—‘I couldn’t possibly be a bully, I was just joking around’). Our goal should be one of stepping away from the conceptualized self-image that we have so that we can weaken our attachments and more realistically assess if we are living according to our values. Again, “fusion with the conceptualized self can lead to an attempt to maintain consistency by distorting or reinterpreting events if they seem inconsistent with the self-story” (Hayes, Strosahl, & Wilson, 2012^[1]).

So, how do we battle against the tendency to build attachments to the conceptualized versions of ourselves? The first step is to take an open, loving, and accepting perspective of yourself as doing this will not only give you the ability to conscious of your own reality, but it will give you the ability to take the same position for others as well. The second benefit to taking an open perspective of yourself could be that you allow yourself to process changes as they happen in the moment. In the example of the young pre-law student above, if she took and open/accepting perspective, she may have noticed that her values shifting from law, to something else. Trouble comes when those kinds of things sneak up on us out of nowhere and create chaos in a place where we thought was organization and structure. The second way to make congruent the relationship between the observing-self, and the conceptualized-self is to align you actions with a set of values that you create for yourself. In that case, your observing-self can always look at your conceptualized-self and consider: do my actions move me closer to, or further from, my valued endpoint? We could even use this strategy to better understand if we are making the “right” choices or not, based on whether our choices produce an outcome that we find acceptable. Finally, self-as-context is deeply related to mindfulness and it might be helpful to try an activity: if you are concerned that your conceptualized-self is dominating your observing-self, close your eyes and simply notice your thoughts. Notice where they are around/inside/above/below you, notice if they are pictures, sounds, or a movie playing along in your mind, bring your attention to the fact that your thoughts are ‘over there’ and youare the one who is observing them. Now, bring your attention to how you are sitting, noticing what you can see, smell, taste, and hear. At each of those points, bring your attention to the fact that you are noticing (e.g., notice how you are sitting, and as you do, be aware that you are noticing). 

Bringing ourselves into the present moment in a mindful and conscious way will help us to remain oriented to our observing-self, and to remain de-fused from our conceptualized-self. After all, it is ok to remain flexible while we develop our Values, and attempt to live meaningful lives.

^[1]Hayes, S.C., Strosahl, K.D., & Wilson, K.G. (2012). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: The process and practice of mindful change. New York, NY: The Guilford Press.

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            When was the last time you remember being so busy or preoccupied that you felt like you may have missed out on something important? Most of us can look back and think about a time or experience that we wish we could make linger a little longer—summer vacation just ended, after all. But, there are always a dozen reasons not to stop and smell the roses, putting things off until ‘later’. Make no mistake about it, we have to sacrifice to think about the future and to make plans; however, this sacrifice comes at the expense of the present moment—think about procrastination being the direct opposite: sacrificing in the future (the all-nighter before the final paper is due) for the sake of comfort in the present moment (not worrying about that paper until AFTER Thanksgiving break!). Sometimes we have to think ahead though. When I need to plan my finances, for example, thinking about when I need to pay rent and how much money I am going to need to do that, not living fully in the momentis probably a good thing. But the fact remains, thinking about the future takes me out of the glorious moments of the present, and sometimes when we live with the promise of living more fully later, “later” never seems to come at the right time. We have all had that thought: “if I can just make it through _______, then I will be ok.”We repeat this mantra to ourselves over and over again; if I can just make it through: this class; this year; this mile; this difficult phase of my life; THEN, I will relax and invest in my relationships, I will go back to school, I will pay off some debt, etc.

            Developing the willingness and ability to live fully in the present moment is central to learning to live more mindfully day-to-day. Further, living a conscious life that is guided by our values is based on being in contact with the present moment so that you can identify what our values are, and how closely we are adhering to them. So, let’s talk about some things that we can practice in order to learn to be more mindful in our daily life and help bring us back to the present moment if we start drifting into distressing thoughts of the future or ruminating on the past: 

1) pay attention to the sights and sounds in the world around you, it will help bring you into the moment as the rest of the world only exists in the here and now; 

2) remind yourself to be present and fully engaged when you are interacting with other people—really listen to people when they speak, and attend to the things they are saying; 

3) close your eyes and focus on the pattern of your breathing; 

4) do not be judgmental of the thoughts you are experiencing in the present moment. Instead, simply attempt to notice the thoughts for what they are: neither inherently good, nor inherently bad; 

5) try paying attention when you are eating: what are the textures and smells of the food you are eating, pat attention to the process of eating and notice how you feel satisfied as you become ready to complete the meal; and 

6) maybe next time you are out for a walk, cleaning your room, doing the dishes, or any other task you are completing throughout the day, try simply attending to the task in that moment and doing nothing else.

            Why does being mindful and attending to the present in a flexible way matter? Well, the alternative is a constant barrage of information such that we are unable to focus on any of it. When our attention is constantly shifting around from place to place—looking at our phones, while listening to a friend we are sitting with, while thinking about what we want to do after school, we “see” and “hear” all of it while making sense of very little of it. And pretty soon, because of the way our brain prioritizes incoming information in order to decide what to pay attention to, we struggle to remain in the present moment when we are under-stimulated. It gets to the point where watching Netflix is no longer enough and you end up watching Netflix while scrolling through Instagram or watching YouTube at the same time because you require that level of input to feel stimulated. Being mindful and engaged in the present moment is critical for coping skills, as seeing those reasonable alternatives to the problems we face in any given moment require us to be able to look directly in front of us and identity them. So, try some of the activates above to put yourself more fully in the present moment and not only will the people around you be thankful, you will thank yourself when you experience the full joy that each moment that this lovely world, and the people in it, have to offer.

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