Talking about suicide is scary. Like many other types of conversation there is no clear route from point-A to point-B. But, unlike many other types of conversation, a life can hang in the balance. A little talked about point of fact is the issue that we, as people, can imagine doing all kinds of things that we have never done before. We can imagine ourselves in all kinds of scenarios. And since we are constantly presented with problems each and every day, we are constantly dealing with another little talked about point of fact: we don’t know all of the answers. At some point, we all imagine ourselves in different places. If we are in high school, we think about what college will be. If we are in college, we think about our first “real job.”

Part of being human is thinking about the future. And we cant help but think about ourselves in the future. As dark as it may seem, it may actually bring a bit of relief knowing that it is normal to think about death. As we all recognize, at some level, our time on Earth is limited.

Anyone can be a helper

Honestly, I would be more curious about a person who said they had never considered what it would be like to die than a person who had considered life after life. The same is true for suicide. Normalizing the notion that there are times where someone might consider suicide is important. What is important is knowing that while everyone experiences a wide range of thoughts spanning from healthy and productive, to unhealthy and maladaptive. QPR, which stands for Question, Persuade, Respond, is a technique designed for anyone to use to identify and intervene when a person is experiencing suicidal thoughts.

QPR and suicide prevention

I was able to train as a “QPR Gatekeeper.” In fact, anyone can take the training online (Click Here). The term Gatekeeper refers to a person in the community who is trained to intervene to stop a suicide. The reason that a training like this is so important is that we often try not to hear when someone is really in trouble. We avoid the tough conversation. But those clues we are avoiding are given 90% of the time before a person attempts suicide. A simple training helps us not only to identify when a person is in a suicidal crisis, but also helps prepare us to support them in that moment.

As stated above, QPR is a simple, three-step pneumonic:

• Q stands for “Question”

  • There is really only one way to know if a person is experiencing thoughts of self-harm, or suicide: ask them. This is a simple, direct question, that is asked non-judgmentally. “Are you having thoughts of self-harm or suicide?” In this moment, we don’t ask the person in a judgmental way (e.g., “you’re not thinking about suicide, are you?” or “do you want to hurt yourself?” The former subverts a persons motivation to tell the truth, the latter implicitly excludes asking directly about death by suicide). Ask clearly. “Sometimes, people who feel like you do experience thoughts of killing themselves. Are you having any thoughts like that?”

• P refers to “Persuade”

  • The second step of the QPR process is to persuade the person to let you help them seek out support. Again, this can be a straightforward statement like “are you willing go with me to get help?” or “will you let me help you find someone who can help?” If we are unable to pursued the person in crisis into compliance in help-seeking, we may be forced to call emergent or crisis services to help support them.

• R refers to “Refer”

  • The final step of the process is referring the person in crisis to support. This means staying with them until they are delivered to the crisis intervention. We do not take them at their word that they will seek support on their own. Ideally, the person is connected to a healthcare professional for assessment. The next best option would be connecting to a parent, teacher, or coach. Less preferable to all of the aforementioned options would be to leave the person with crisis management support, like the number for the National Suicide Prevention Hotline.

QPR works. And the more people who are trained in this technique, the more likely it is that a person in crisis comes into contact with someone who is able to recognize that crisis, engage the person in crisis, and get that person to the support they need. After all, we know that when a person in a suicidal crisis gets the help they need, they are likely to make a full recovery and never again experience another.

Check out some of our recent posts:

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The post Using QPR to prevent suicide appeared first on Stand 4 Kind.

Experiencing peer pressure as a young person

I remember my first encounter with alcohol clearly. I was 15 years old and on a trip for an athletics competition. We did have “adult supervision,” but that person was obviously irresponsible. Being 15 years old, sans parental supervision, in another state, with a couple peers, I can say that I was not prepared to avoid peer pressure. The “adult” provided the alcohol, and the lot of us underage youth drank it.

Now, I did not drink again until I was in college…but I did drink that night. Looking back, there is a world where I—as a 15-year-old—was perfectly able to decline, and retain my dignity; however, on that occasion I was unprepared. The peer pressure from my peers was overwhelming, and the pressure from the adult who was present was implicit. Many times, that is the case. Even if the pressure from one’s peers feels manageable, the pressure from those people who the young person considers idols pulls them across the line of resistance.

Creating environments where the pressure is positive

All these years later, almost 20 now, I look back and think about that night. What tools would I have needed in order to decline? The pressure to drink seemed immense. At the time, it seemed inescapable. The alcohol was provided by an “adult” figure who I looked up to. A person who was actually responsible for my well-being. I was with friends who didn’t seem to be averse to the experience. (Even if their perception was the same as mine, and they were thinking of ways to say “no,” but not finding the courage to do so.) So, how could that night have been prevented, or changed? Back then, I knew that my parents would not approve of me drinking. But I never remember an explicit conversation warning me about the circumstances in which alcohol might present itself.

Preparing young people for just how difficult it is to resist peer pressure one of the reasons that we encourage them to associate with peers who will steer them in the right direction. Peers who are invested in their success. Peers as motivated as we want our youth to be. As young people begin to explore their identities away from their family, they do so with their friends. What we hope is that they align themselves with peers whose judgment is collectively good. “Collectively good judgement” might need a bit of explanation.

What is collective judgment?

When people, of any age, are in a group they have the potential to behave differently than if they were simply by themselves. Think about “individual judgement” being when a person is alone, and “collective judgment” referring to that judgement that is decided by a group. When young people get together, we need to ensure that they are set up to be successful with this collective judgment. Often, young people are set up to fail. Set up to collectively make poor decisions. Too little supervision. Indirect communication about the state of the world.

Keep the conversation going

Focus the conversation about peer pressure on providing education and support to our youth. And keep in mind that action on our part is required to help support young people. We must act to help set young people up for success. To help them find environments where they can be successful with their peers, and to give them the tools they need to confidently stand up and speak for themselves if they find themselves in a situation where the actions of their peers do not match their values.

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What are the current trends in youth smoking?

In 1997 36.5% of high school seniors had smoked cigarettes in the past 30 days. By 2018, this number had decreased by 79.8% to just 7.6%. Part of this was related to the significant interventions that had been in place to regulate youth access to tobacco products. It was partly related to increased education and prevention efforts. And it was partly related to cutting the ability for Big Tobacco to market products to children. Well, these smoking trends are seeming to now reverse themselves. The New England Journal of Medicine has reported that rates of smoking are now on the rise. 1 in 4 high school seniors are now reporting tobacco use in the last 30-days.[6] What’s more, is that 1 in 5 10^th graders, and 1 in 11 8^th graders are also reporting 30-day use.

What is “Vaping” and how did it get so popular?

Electronic cigarettes use a heating element to atomize a liquid solution that contains nicotine. Instead of smoke, the user inhales the atomized water vapor. While many of the carcinogenic components of traditional cigarettes are removed, making e-cigarettes a viable option for traditional smokers to step-down to a safer method, the addictive nicotine and other carcinogens are still contained in the vapor. This is often the argument used when people say that “vaping is safter than smoking.” The argument is untrue. The concentrations of nicotine are, potentially, significantly higher than traditional cigarettes. And young people smoke the equivalent of several packages of cigarettes using refillable pods, and don’t feel the consequences.

Vaping devices are typically battery powered, and can even be recharged in a USB port or wall outlet. These devises are often refillable, with different “cartridges” available for purchase in different flavors of nicotine products. These are some of the reasons that these devises have gained popularity among young, tech-savvy consumers. Vaping seems cool and modern. The byproducts of vaping are far less offensive than those of traditional cigarettes, pipes, or cigars. And the myriad flavors and styles available to the consumer are attractive to young people. Many of whom are enticed by choices and personalization.

What can we do about Vaping Prevention?

So, now that we understand what we are on the lookout for, how do we respond? Well, the good news is that the response to e-cigarettes does not have to be necessarily different for a parent than their response to something like alcohol, or traditional cigarettes. Parental and peer approval means everything to kids. When parents make known their disapproval to their kids, it maximizes the likelihood of deterrence. Talk to your kids about Vaping. Help them understand the facts. And encourage them to remain drug free.

Be sure to check out some of our other posts:

Alcohol Prevention Tips for Parents

5 Rules for Social Media

10-Tips to Stop Bullying

The post Vaping 101 appeared first on Stand 4 Kind.

How do we talk to our kids about alcohol? How do we talk to our kids about alcohol in a way that prevents them from using it? As a parent, having those “tough conversations,” with your teen can be difficult. You know they probably don’t want to talk to you about drinking. And they seem to not really want you talking to them about drinking either. Most of the conversations are filled with “I know, mom/dad; I know…” Trying to relate to your child’s experience can also be difficult, and saying things like “I was young, once,” seems to usually lack the impact that you were hoping for. Well, there are some simple and proven methods to prevent your kids from using drugs and alcohol. And the great news is, there is evidence to show these prevention measures work!

Parental alcohol use disapproval

First, a little background. In 2019 the Utah Division of Substance Abuse & Mental Health conducted a survey called the Prevention Needs Assessment Survey. The survey—which included almost 50,000 Utah students from grades 6, 8, 10, and 12—asked a series of questions about young people’s attitudes on a range of issues from substance abuse, to bullying, to mental health. In 2019, 91.4% of Utah students indicated that their parents felt it was “Very Wrong” for them to use alcohol—which likely contributes to Utah being the lowest state in the nation for youth alcohol consumption. Of those 91.5%, only 3.4% of them had had a drink of alcohol in the last 30-days. The same nationwide average is almost twice that, at 9.2%. And only 12.4% of Utah teens reported drinking alcohol at any point in their lifetimes, compared to over 60% of youth nationwide.

When we consider the 5.9% of Utah students who reported that their parents “agree with [alcohol] use, somewhat,” 20.6% had had a drink of alcohol in the last 30-days and over half (50.8%) had consumed alcohol at least once in their lifetime. If a student reported that their parents endorsed feelings that underage drinking was “not wrong at all,” the likelihood the student had consumed alcohol jumped from 3.4% to 41.0%.

What does parental disapproval look like?

Given this information, parents should feel confident that one of the most important things they can do is to simply tell their children that they do not approve of them drinking alcohol underage. When young people know that those people they look up to disapprove of a certain behavior, they are less likely to engage in that behavior. Young people who feel as though they are a valued part of the family, are exposed to opportunities to participate meaningfully in the responsibilities and activities of the family, and receive praise from parents and siblings for a job well done are less likely to engage in substance use.

These are just a few examples of familial protective factors that “protect” young people from drug use. There are protective factors that wrap all around a child to insulate them from potentially harmful behaviors. Things like community, school, religious groups, sports teams, and personal responsibility can all contribute to a resilient adolescent. But, next to the parents of a young person, not are perceived as highly as a young person’s friends.

Peer disapproval

Whether or not a young person’s friends drink alcohol is another significant predictor of whether they will drink. Think about the friendships that children have as their first independent steps forward into world. One of the first significant choices they make. Young people come into school with their family’s values behind them, and leave school having melded those values with those of their friends. It is not a surprise, therefore, that young people who associate with peers who engage in substance use are much more likely to engage in the same behaviors.

In fact, young people are even more concerned about what their friends would think about their decision to use alcohol than the direct risks involved with doing so. Young people whose friends drink alcohol are much less likely to view the behavior as risky, and are more likely to receive reward for drinking behaviors from their peer group. School commitment has been shown to be a risk factor for substance abuse, and young people who have low commitment to school are likely to find peers who share the same values. Also increasing the vulnerability to substance use.

Encouraging young people chose friends carefully

It may be difficult for us to predict who our children will be friends with. But it is clear that we want the friends they make to share the values and expectations that we have for them. It may be the case that we, as parents, might want to organize a get-together with the parents of our children’s friends and talk to them about our expectations around drinking. I can concretely remember parents of my peers were less concerned about their kids—or me, for that matter—drinking. And it showed in the attitudes they held about alcohol. Who our children chose to be friends with matters. And parents have the ability to influence the attitudes about alcohol that their children endorse—both internally, and to their friends.

Next steps for alcohol prevention

Talking about alcohol can be a comfortable, and straight forward conversation. Let your kids know that you want them to wait until they are 21 to decide about whether or not they want to incorporate alcohol in their lives. Help your child connect with peers who share the same values. Those peers will support your child in making the right choices in all of those moments when you are not around. Additionally, encourage your children and their friends to spend time in the homes of people who agree with your stance on youth substance abuse.

Check out some of our other posts:

What is Leadership?

Social Media – Tool or trap?

Bullying in our schools – Data from the CDC

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