-Nathanial Hawthorne

Over the recent weeks of isolation, I have found myself resisting temptation to settle in to Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime, or an endless stream of YouTube wood working videos. Instead, I have attempted to maintain a fairly regular routine. My wife leaves for work around 4:45 or 5:00 in the morning (The dog and I sleep until around 7:45!). Once Ford (the dog) and I get up I make a cup of coffee and two eggs, over medium. He gets dog food. After breakfast we go for a walk around the neighborhood, and then I spend a couple of hours working. A regular morning routine is one of the best things that I can do if I want to avoid finding myself at one o’clock in the afternoon, having nothing accomplished. Taking charge of my morning leads to time spent more productively. This led me to wonder: can I take charge of my happiness too?

What would taking charge of my happiness even look like? People who chase after things they think will bring them joy usually search their whole lives. So, how can I flip the switch on happiness? I am sorry to report that I did not find a silver bullet to the problem. Establishing a routine was a significant component to feeling content given recent events, but it was not the total solution. I had to decide to prioritize things according to what I felt would bring me joy over the long(er) term. This looked like scheduling time to read some of the books I have had on my list for a while, connecting to friends and family, and reducing the amount of time I spend looking at my phone!

Happiness in changing the media I consume

The Brothers Karamazov, by Fyodor Dostoyevsky, was the brilliant novel that I just finished the other day! Finishing a book brings me far more joy and mindful reflection than finishing a series on Netflix or Disney+. I know, from experience, that finishing a television series in two days leaves me feeling anxious and wanting to consume more. Contrasted to finishing Dostoyevsky. Where I wake up the following morning with the characters, the places, the circumstances, and the philosophy marinating in my mind. New ideas cropping up from moment to moment. Compelling me to flip back through the books pages and re-read certain passages that have now taken on new meaning given the climax of the story.

Happiness in remain connected to loved ones

I have noticed that I am compelled to call and check in with family and friends more often. Talking to loved ones has helped me to feel grounded and encouraged me to stay in the moment. Not to mention that with social distancing, it is the only option I have to talk to anyone but my dog! In all seriousness, spending time in isolation facilitates the realization that the relationships that I have are deeply meaningful to me. They add to my sense of identity, and contribute to my well-being. Friends and family have helped to push me to expect the most from myself. And helped guide me along the path to righteous living. Each person in my life brings with them special and unique characteristics. Characteristics that fill my spirit with happiness. Remaining connected to them has been helped me remain grounded in the present moment.

Stepping back from media use

Reducing the amount of time I spend engaged with social media, and other media in general, has been critical to finding happiness in the present moment. Now, I just mentioned staying in touch with friends and family, for which social media is a wonderful tool; however, it is all too easy to use social media in unproductive ways. Refraining from media use has allowed my mind to slow. Allowed for my thoughts to compose and structure themselves. And allowed for me to focus on reading and writing more. Lowering my media intake has reduced my anxiety about the coronavirus, and checking in with my family more has helped me to rest assured that everyone is doing what they can to remain safe and healthy, which is all anyone can do.

All of these little habits have helped me to “sit down quietly” and give myself the opportunity to find happiness in the present moment. The best way to ensure that happiness is not “just beyond your grasp” may be to find yourself in the present moment.  Let it come to you.

Check out some other posts from Stand4Kind:

Understanding the bystander effect

Cabin fever? Try going for a walk!

Identity: What is it? How do I find mine?

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The things we post can be permanent

Everything we do online gets recorded. Every ‘Like,’ ‘Comment,’ ‘Share,’ purchase, swipe and search, is recorded and organized. And it may be the case that young people today will be held accountable for the decision they make during childhood for the rest of their lives. In this sense, young people in the United States today must remain far more disciplined than any other generation before them.

Sometimes, the internet only shows you the things you WANT to see

The websites we use, like Google and Facebook, get to know us. Literally. Google knows where we live—by means of knowing where we input our different search queries—and tracks what we search for. We believe that Google is simply a service that serves us by offering up objective information to the questions we type. The question: “How many countries in the world?” provides the quick answer of 195. But questions that are less objective, more open to opinion, are likely to be answered using information that considers things like where you live, and what your search history is. These websites know that when people see what they “Like,” they keep searching and remain engaged. Which is why results are curated to keep you engaged. Not necessarily informed.

Keep your social media use S.M.A.R.T.

While you are using social media, try to keep your social media usage S.M.A.R.T.

• Specific: Be specific about how you want to use social media
• Measurable: Give yourself objective boundaries about your social media usage
• Achievable: Try to make those boundaries as achievable as possible. Give yourself help along the way by doing things like putting your phone into night-mode, or not sleeping with your phone in your bedroom.
• Relevant: Make sure that your social media use is relevant to the goals you have for yourself. For example, staying connected to friends and family can be a relevant goal for social media usage. Stalking ex-dating partners, or new acquaintances, should be less relevant.
• Temporary: Social media use should only be a temporary part of our lives. While social media can be a tool to keep us connected, if we become too dependent on its usage it can be harmful

Check out some of our other posts on Social media and related topics:

5 rules for social media

Social Media – Tool or trap?

Exploring our Values

The post Savvy social media use: 3 tips for young people appeared first on Stand 4 Kind.

1. Remember that what people post is only a sliver of their actual life (The sliver they chose to show everyone!).

   1. People post mostly positive things online. In person however, people usually more willing to be honest with each other. Vulnerability is far more easy face-to-face. In that moment we are struggling and faced with all of the curated images we see online, we are unlikely to remember that everybody else has struggles too.

2. Keep your profiles private and only add people who you actually know in the real world.

   1. Making connections is the point of social networking sites; however, we should always be careful with our personal information. People can use the information we post online to gain access to other parts of our lives, like our emails, our location, and our schedules. Keeping your profile private and being conscious about the things you decide to share will keep you safe online, and in the real world. Colleges, employers, and future dating partners are all likely to “stalk” you online before determining if you may be the right candidate for admissions, jobs, and first dates.

3. Limit the amount of time you spend online.

   1. When we are online we are NOT doing a number of the productive things that we could be doing. Scrolling through Instagram and watching endless YouTube videos is an efficient way to gobble up time. Many times, I look down at my phone, and BOOM, two hours has gone by and I don’t even remember what I was doing. And I sure don’t feel better! But, when I compare that to reading a book, having a conversation with a friend, or doing a bit of work around the house it becomes immediately apparent which activity brings me more satisfaction. Think for a moment about what the sites you are using are designed for: to keep your attention. Youtube is designed to keep you clicking. Advertisers pay more money if you are more engaged. Remember, your attention is what they are after, and it one of the most valuable things you have to give.

4. Be aware that we often feel less inhibition online.

   1. That means it is easy to say things online that we might not say if we were in person. Online inhibition is one of the factors that contributes to cyber-bullying and it is also one of the factors that contributes to “The Comments Section” of just about every post being a very nasty place to try and engage with people. So, before you post something that you may regret, try to think about making that comment to someone who you were talking to over a cup of coffee.

5. Keep your phone usage out of the bedroom, and resist using your phone while you are trying to fall asleep.

   1. Unfortunately, we all use our phone as an alarm clock–and that is not likely to change. We may also adhere to the idea that, in this age of constant connection, if we are disconnected, even for a small amount of time, that our friends and loved ones may need us and not be able to connect with us. Our friend may have a crisis at midnight, and if we do not keep our ringer on, we might miss her in a moment of need. Teens are reporting at higher rates that these are the kinds of thoughts that are keeping them tethered to their phones, even while they should be sleeping, in class, or at sports. Even when young people are with their friends, they are monitoring their friends who are not present with them. Set boundaries with your phone and your friends so that you can be present in your relationships, and you can get a decent night of rest.

We talked about 5 rules for social media usage but there are many more. Show people kindness and remember that while social media is a nice tool, it is no substitute for high quality relationships.

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Fear of Missing Out (FoMO):

Have you ever been comfortably going about your day, happy as can be, and you check your social media and see that someone you know is doing something amazing? Seeing their amazing experience prompts you to think that what you are currently doing is not good enough. You could be doing more. FoMO drives our behavior ever toward some future experience that will bring us satisfaction, instead of engaging in meaningful behavior that is motivated by values-based behaviors that propel us toward a meaningful life.

Comparing yourself to others:

This is one of the easiest pit-falls to see in social media, and it is related to FoMO. When we see the posts of people we follow on social media, often times they appear to be having the time of their life: A new baby! A new job! Got into my dream school! Just bought a house! Straight A’s! Visiting Italy for the fourth time this year! We can’t help but look at their life and their vacation pictures and wonder what we are doing wrong in our own lives that we are not THAT happy all the time.

Compulsive social media use:

Social media sites (Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Snapchat) know exactly what reinforces our engagement. Facebook ‘Likes’ keep us coming back for more. After making a post, we gravitate back to the post to see how many ‘Likes’ we got. We check to see who‘Liked’ our post and we almost can’t help ourselves. This kind of use can disrupt our sleep patterns, increase our feelings of anxiety, disrupt academic performance, and create emotional fatigue.

Social media disinhibition:

Have you ever read a comments section on YouTube or Facebook? If you have, you have seen that people talk to each other online in ways that they would likely not talk to each other in person. It is easy for people to be mean to each other online, because they do not have to face the consequences. When you say something hurtful to someone face-to-face, you get to see the look of hurt on the face of the person. Even if your intention was not to be hurtful, you can see that the words you use have consequences. Cyber-bullying become particularly easy because bullies do not have to face the consequences of their actions the same way they do in the classroom, when risking being confronted by a teacher or other bystanders.

The second half of online disinhibition is a phenomenon called ‘over-sharing.’ You likely recognize the acronym TMI (Too Much Information). Every-day interpersonal interactions demand a façade of normality. An example of this is when the person making your coffee asks you “how your day is going,” the normal response is “good.” It would be strange to explain to the barista at Starbucks that your life is in shambles and you just lost your job, and your toilet is leaking, and you are getting sick, and your cat is sick, and you are out of clean socks, etc. This expectation seems to be reduced online. People feel safe to share their most intimate feelings online. People are comfortable sharing their address. Their phone numbers. People feel comfortable talking about their greatest fears, etc. People may forget that information posted online, even on your private profile, may not necessarily be completely private.

Conclusion

Social media can also be a tool for our use! It is a great way to stay in touch with old friends. And keeping family and friends who live out of state in touch with my life is much easier. Social media is a great way for me to learn about my friend’s new love of hiking, and would be a way that I might see if they want to take me with them on their next hike. Just remember, moderate the time you spend online with ensuring that you are investing in relationships in the real world! The people in your life would probably love have lunch with you instead of simply “Liking” the most recent picture of your Carne Asada burrito from Chipotle.

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