Talking about suicide is scary. Like many other types of conversation there is no clear route from point-A to point-B. But, unlike many other types of conversation, a life can hang in the balance. A little talked about point of fact is the issue that we, as people, can imagine doing all kinds of things that we have never done before. We can imagine ourselves in all kinds of scenarios. And since we are constantly presented with problems each and every day, we are constantly dealing with another little talked about point of fact: we don’t know all of the answers. At some point, we all imagine ourselves in different places. If we are in high school, we think about what college will be. If we are in college, we think about our first “real job.”

Part of being human is thinking about the future. And we cant help but think about ourselves in the future. As dark as it may seem, it may actually bring a bit of relief knowing that it is normal to think about death. As we all recognize, at some level, our time on Earth is limited.

Anyone can be a helper

Honestly, I would be more curious about a person who said they had never considered what it would be like to die than a person who had considered life after life. The same is true for suicide. Normalizing the notion that there are times where someone might consider suicide is important. What is important is knowing that while everyone experiences a wide range of thoughts spanning from healthy and productive, to unhealthy and maladaptive. QPR, which stands for Question, Persuade, Respond, is a technique designed for anyone to use to identify and intervene when a person is experiencing suicidal thoughts.

QPR and suicide prevention

I was able to train as a “QPR Gatekeeper.” In fact, anyone can take the training online (Click Here). The term Gatekeeper refers to a person in the community who is trained to intervene to stop a suicide. The reason that a training like this is so important is that we often try not to hear when someone is really in trouble. We avoid the tough conversation. But those clues we are avoiding are given 90% of the time before a person attempts suicide. A simple training helps us not only to identify when a person is in a suicidal crisis, but also helps prepare us to support them in that moment.

As stated above, QPR is a simple, three-step pneumonic:

• Q stands for “Question”

  • There is really only one way to know if a person is experiencing thoughts of self-harm, or suicide: ask them. This is a simple, direct question, that is asked non-judgmentally. “Are you having thoughts of self-harm or suicide?” In this moment, we don’t ask the person in a judgmental way (e.g., “you’re not thinking about suicide, are you?” or “do you want to hurt yourself?” The former subverts a persons motivation to tell the truth, the latter implicitly excludes asking directly about death by suicide). Ask clearly. “Sometimes, people who feel like you do experience thoughts of killing themselves. Are you having any thoughts like that?”

• P refers to “Persuade”

  • The second step of the QPR process is to persuade the person to let you help them seek out support. Again, this can be a straightforward statement like “are you willing go with me to get help?” or “will you let me help you find someone who can help?” If we are unable to pursued the person in crisis into compliance in help-seeking, we may be forced to call emergent or crisis services to help support them.

• R refers to “Refer”

  • The final step of the process is referring the person in crisis to support. This means staying with them until they are delivered to the crisis intervention. We do not take them at their word that they will seek support on their own. Ideally, the person is connected to a healthcare professional for assessment. The next best option would be connecting to a parent, teacher, or coach. Less preferable to all of the aforementioned options would be to leave the person with crisis management support, like the number for the National Suicide Prevention Hotline.

QPR works. And the more people who are trained in this technique, the more likely it is that a person in crisis comes into contact with someone who is able to recognize that crisis, engage the person in crisis, and get that person to the support they need. After all, we know that when a person in a suicidal crisis gets the help they need, they are likely to make a full recovery and never again experience another.

Check out some of our recent posts:

Fireflies: Providing a light in the darkness

Man’s Search for Meaning

The importance of community

The post Using QPR to prevent suicide appeared first on Stand 4 Kind.

Project Firefly was developed by Stand4Kind as a gatekeeper program to protect young people from suicide. A gatekeeper is a person, in this case, who can recognize the signs and symptoms of suicide in others. Creating a community of Fireflies–lights in the darkness–with the vision to recognize when others are struggling and the skills to intervene is the goal. Project Firefly teaches students and teachers to L.I.T.E. the way for others.

• Listen to the person & Look for the signs of crisis.
• Identify the signs of crisis & Intervene
• Take the person in crisis to support & Take away means of suicide
• Engage & Encourage after the crisis has ended

Listening to the person & Looking for the signs of crisis

We know that most people who experience suicidal ideations attempt to communicate to others that they are in need of support. If we can give that person our full attention and offer them an opportunity to safely tell us what they are experiencing, the person in crisis will ask for our help. It is important that Fireflies are non-judgmental, not distracted, and empathizing with the person we are listening to. We know that our first instinct is to talk, talk, talk. Which is why our first step in the process is to LISTEN. Prevention starts with our ability to empathetically listen.

Looking for the signs of crisis is why we listen. When people are searching for help, they can communicate directly (e.g., “I am having thoughts about dying, they are scaring me, and I think I need help.”) or indirectly (e.g., “I am just so tired of life.”). Hearing these statements can be hard. Trying to say them, harder. But it is necessary that we look for the signals so we can provide the support.

Once we Identify the signs of crisis, we Intervene

The best intervention we can offer is ourselves. We want to be present, engaged, and focused on the person in front of us. Asking someone if they are having suicidal thoughts is one of the scariest questions we can ask. We pray the answer is “no.” But, when the answer is some form of “yes,” we need to be ready. Asking “the question” is straight forward: Sometimes when people say things that you are saying, they are also experiencing suicidal thoughts. Are you experiencing thoughts about hurting or killing yourself?” Just like that. That short. That direct. No ambiguity.

It is important that we stay calm during this process. After all, the person we are Listening to is in crisis. If we are also in crisis, we can not help them. Secondly, remember that it is your job to Listen, and provide hope. Not lecture them on the reasons they should want to live. The goal when we intervene is to give the person a sense of calm. Ultimately, we want them to let us help them find support.

Intervening to help the person in crisis and find support involves knowing what resources are available to you. This differs from place to place, but we will leave some links at the bottom of the article to point you in the right directions for community support.

Take the person to support & Take away means of suicide

When a person we know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, there are a couple of things we must do to link to the support we need.

1.  Take the situation seriously
   • Suicide is a moment of crisis. And if the person you are listening to asks to “be alone,” the answer from us is No.
   • It takes a lot of courage to ask for help. Take the person seriously or they may loose the courage they mustered to come to you in the first place.
2. Weigh the options that are available to you
   • It might be late at night. You might be communicating with your friend over text message. You are going to have to consider the specifics of your situation as you are weighing the options to you.
   • Is this person at home? Are there parents around? Are your parents home? If you are at school, can you get a teacher or counselor involved? Call 911 if there is an active suicide attempt, or emergency.
3. If the person refuses to engage with immediate support, like parents or teachers, there are options to call or text different crisis lines.
   • It can be scary to talk to an adult in a moment of crisis. But there are neutral adults available and a number of different resources around the country.

Take away the means of suicide

The second part of this step is to remove means of suicide. This involves asking the person who has told you they are thinking about suicide if they have a plan to kill themselves. We are going to ask the person if they have medications stockpiled, or if they have a firearm. If they tell us they have rope hidden they were going to use to hurt themselves, we must ask them to give it to us.

In the moment of crisis remember that us being supportive is the first priority. Letting the person in crisis know that we care about them. Giving the person in crisis hope, and helping pull them back from the edge of the crisis and help them see that there is a future for them that is not being dead.

Last year, 18.8% of youth actively considered suicide. 1 out of 5 young people. And 15.7% of youth actually made a plan to die. As Fireflies in the community, we can provide a light in the darkness. You can provide hope and connect a person in crisis to the support that can save a life.

Some additional resources:

Suicide Prevention Lifeline

SafeUT Mobile App

National Crisis Text Line

Stand4Kind

Psychological Flexibility – Acceptance v. Experiential Avoidance

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